Where has the time gone?
I'm pretty sure I haven't updated this baby in a week or so (two weeks??). The truth is, I just have been so down and out that I haven't felt like typing single word on here. I also haven't been on the crafty bandwagon lately. So, I've had few projects to share.
Last week I went through a crazy roller coaster of emotions. From slight annoyance to full out frustration, to anger, to sadness, all the way to hopelessness.
And then, yesterday, I had a break through (it was more like a break down! I'll write more about it later). Tears, sobs, and what-should-I-dos rained down on T. And he just listened, patiently, waiting for me to work out the words in my head, hugging me until I stopped crying. Basically, being amazing.
I want to back up here and just say that I have always been a crier. I cry when I'm sad, happy, frustrated, and even when I'm spitting mad. I cry at sappy Hallmark commercials and touching TV moments. While its not a horrible thing to live with, this has made for awkward break-ups, embarrassing conversations, and clear misunderstandings.
For example: In high school we had a new coach who was treating us with very little respect. Nothing awful, but just treating us like absolute children. Nobody liked it, so as the captain, I decided to take it up with him (with a moderator and my assistant captains present). During our conversation, I became so frustrated with him, and where the conversation was going, that I began to cry. And as soon as the tears started, I could see the change in his face. I was just a whine-y girl. Why should he listen to me? I wish I could have stopped those tears, looked him straight in the face and said, "listen hear!", but I couldn't.
People have told me that I am just very empathetic. I've also been told (by an ex-boyfriend) that I'm "over-emotional". Turns out he just did a lot of jerk things that made me cry.
Why do people automatically assume that crying is weakness?
Poor T. I'm not sure he knew what he was getting into when he married me. But, honestly that guy can see right through me most of the time.
One day I was joking in the car about being "over-emotional" and he gave me this insight (I'm paraphrasing here):
"I don't think you are over-emotional at all. Honestly, I think, sometimes, you just have a hard time expressing yourself immediately in words. So, it comes out in tears first."
I thought about this for a while and, gosh, if it isn't true....Sometimes, I just don't know how to say what I want to. I might be mad, but I don't want my words to come out wrong, so I hold it in. Then the tears start. I'm not really sure how to get around this, though. I guess just live with it.
Does anybody else do this? Cry for every emotion?
PS - One other time, the crying really made me mad. A guy I had been dating in college called to break up with me. I was so frustrated that A) He broke up with me first (I was totally planning our break-up) and B) He was treating me like a fragile flower through the WHOLE conversation that I started crying on the phone. Thereby, proving to him that he had broken my poor, fragile-flower heart. I was so mad at myself after that!
PPS - I'm sorry this post was so random and useless. I promise more interesting posts in the future!